I have Lost my soul, I've lost it to you
by abitdiffrent
Summary: "I'd gladly give my life for you my love and now is my chance to prove it"
1. Chapter 1

i DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE MARVEL CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY.

Lilly's POV

"Hail Hydra" I repeated mechanically as the roar of the same words filled the room around me, I was stood amongst the large crowd that filled the hall looking up at the leader who was giving the senior members of Hydra a pep talk. It had finally come to the end and people began to fill out giving me a wide birth not getting to close to me for which I was very grateful, I began walking to the front of the hall to meet with the male who had just given what was apparently a valid reason for millions of people to die, I hopped onto the stage and approached him and he turned opening his arms wide "my darling Lilly" i walked into his open arms and embraced him pulling him close he stepped back and held me at arms length cupping one of my cheeks in his large hand "you've grown so much my daughter, I can hardly believe it" I smiled at him "time does fly by doesn't it father" "indeed it does my dear now run along you must train you shall be given your next mission soon" i nodded and kissed the man I called father on the cheek before turning to leave as i was about to jump from the stage he called to me "you must be grateful for the gift that Hydra has given you Lilly, you have abilities that many do not have and never will have, you are the chosen one, many went through the same process and none has survived before or after you, never forget that you are special Lilly" I nodded and gave him a smile before turning and letting it drop from my face, his words and praise had meant less and less as I had grown older as I learnt the lies and I began to resent not just Hydra but my father as well. I walked through the halls the people moving rapidly out of my way as I did, most were sacred of me which I was grateful for as it gave me some semblance of privacy. Instead of going to training I returned to my room.

It was now or never I told myself as I pulled on a thick coat a hoody and sunglasses I had to leave, the intel I had been giving to what remained of shield wasn't going to be enough to do anything to save the millions of lives that were now at risk. Taking one last look around my room or rather the prision I had grown up in before locking the door sliding the window open I looked out seeing the six story drop and the security cam half way down. I needed to make sure I took it out as I fell or there was no chance of me getting off of the base. I crouched in the window sill before jumping as I fell the cold wind of the winter air rushed past me as I raced through the air I punched the security camera clean off of the wall and flipped landing in a crouch and rolling to ease the impact off the fall. I ran into the cover of some bushes, I looked at the watch on my wrist and gave myself a time limit of twenty minutes I needed to clear the grounds of Hydra in twenty minutes or risk being killed. My escape would be seen as the most horrible betrayal of hydra especially considering my father ran the whole bloody operation. The base had round the clock security patrols and I needed to time it just right so I could escape. I focused myself and in my mind told myself that this was just another job, in ten minutes I had reached the perimeter of the base but didn't let myself relax, I couldn't afford to it could mean the difference between life and death and I'd be damned if I was going to allow this day to be the day I died. I climbed the perimeter fence and then bolted as fast as I could away from the prison I had grown up in.

Time Skip

Well three weeks later and I had finally made it to Manhattan, New York I had figured my best bet of finding captain Rogers was to find at least one of the Avengers and just my luck who was most likely to be available, none other than a mister Tony Stark I had had to keep myself completely hidden Hyra would be after me now and ever street camera or security camera could be hacked so I had literally ben keeping my head down to avoid anything that might tip them off as to where of my whereabouts. I was currently sat in a small rather shabby diner and had ordered pancakes and a drink, it had been three days sense I had eaten last and I hadn't drunk since yesterday. The waitress came over and put my pancakes down in front of me and the drink, I pulled two twenties out of my pocket and placed it in her hand and said quietly "anyone asks I was never here" she eyed the cash and smiled before wandering off to see to another table. I scoffed down the food, had several gulps of my drink before standing up and leaving, as soon as I left I got swept along in the crowds flowing down the busy street. Then the Avengers tower came into view, looking up at it relief and nervousness washed over me, i picked up my pace ever so slightly heading towards what I hoped would be friends. Entering the building I walked up to reception and smiled at the male reception worker "I have an appointment with mr Stark" your name, i reached inside my jacket and pulled out my gun and resting it on the coiner part of the desk "does it matter?" I asked politely giving him a smile. His eyes opened comically wide before he shook his head,"ill let him know he has company" "thank you" i said as I turned and pressed the button to the lift, with a ding it arrived i stepped inside pressing the button to go the the top floor. Arriving I was met face to face with Mr Stark, "Hello" i said stepping out of the lift and stepping past him, I turned to face him again and asked "where can I find Captain Rogers?" "and why would you want to find Steve?" he asked, he poured himself a glass of scotch and offered me one with an extend of his hand i shook my head. "I have some information for him concerning Hydra and he seems most qualified to handle the job" Stark looked at me seriously as I mentioned Hydra distrust immediately covered his features "and how did you come by this information?" i sighed "I'm not going to lie, there is no way you will ever trust me other wise, I was Hydra" his face darkened "not by choice" I added quickly "what do you mean not by choice?" "well its a long story" "Iv'e got time."

It took a long time to explain to Stark about my situation and even then he didn't even believe me as far as I could tell but he agreed to contact Captain Rogers and ask him to see me. He was on the phone and I turned to look out of the window at new york bellow and then everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

Lilly's POV

I woke up groggily my eyes briefly swimming in and out of focus but I could see figures around me and I willed my eyesight to return to normal, as it began to improve I saw that i was surrounded by people and I recognised them all. I went to move my arm which was aching and found myself tied to a chair. "This the best you can do stark a chair, really?" "well it worked, didn't it" I flipped the chair over snapping the arms off of the chair in the process I was still tied to the back of the chair but flexing my muscles hard it snapped and fell to the floor, everyone in the room was in a fighting stance "really?" I asked looking at them all. Captain Rogers was the one to speak up next "what do you want, what does Hydra want?" i scoffed and turned my back on them all looking out of the window "i'm not Hydra, not out of choice anyway, I've helped you all as best as I could even before you brought down shield" "and Hydra" added the red headed woman I knew to be Natasha, I turned to her "unfortunately not you took out a small portion of Hydra, you created a dent which is quickly being filled, they are already planning their next attacks." "Say we believe you" said Clint "why would you want to bring down Hydra" i gritted my teeth and snarled out the words I spoke "because they took everything from me my choices, my childhood, my freedom and in so many ways my life." I felt tears welling in my eyes, but i blinked them away and turned to Natasha "I was Leak 40836" "security word?" "rat" she walked over to me and i offered her my finger she pulled out a device that took a sample of my blood, a green light flashed proving my identity. "Well it would seem our girl here is telling the truth" "how old are you?" asked stark "19" eyebrows raised all around the room. "How did you get into Hydra so young" Rogers asked and I could of sworn I heard some sympathy in his voice "my family is Hydra Captain , my great grandfather someone who I believe you and Mr Barnes here are aquatinted with was the founder of Hydra my grandfather after him my father after him and up until I ran away I was next inline to take over, so it came down to a choice did I want to die putting right the wrongs of my family or be killed by Hydra's followers when I refuse to follow there ideals and lead them in killing millions of people, hardly a choice really, once again they forced my hand" "you seem pretty certain you are going to die" for the first time Bucky spoke up I looked up at him. "I assume like me you have not recovered all of the memories Hydra stole from you, they wiped you clean turned you into someone your not but with me they picked through my brain and stole specific memories leaving me completely unsure of parts of myself but they chose to let me remember what they wanted, so they could get the most out of me, the first time they wiped part of me they took away the person I was growing to be i'm just a shell of a dead girl so I've made my peace with the fact I'm going to die" he and Captain America looked at one another having a silent conversation a look of something written across both of their faces.

Bucky's POV

As she spoke I could feel a hate inside of me, the girl was Hydra, but the more she talked the more the feelings turned to sympathy she had been as much a victim of Hydra as I had been, Steve was helping me recover my memory and though it was painful I was beginning to get pieces of me I had lost back but the events of hydra had changed me to a point I would never be completely as I was before. Her hair was red but was had a hint of blonde to it her lips were small and had a natural pout to them but they had a dark pink tinge to them, her nose was long and straight and her eyes, her eyes were big and blue and I was surprised to feel as though I recognised them. She reminded me a lot of my self just a year ago when Steve had finally found me with a gun to my temple ready to end everything but once again he said the words that had cemented our friendship through thick and thin "I'm with you to the end of the Line" and finally I had allowed him to help me. The young girl in front of me had the same look on her face as me and Steve had the look of seeing the worst of humanity and having to sacrifice those who deserved to live for the greater good. The look of being Haunted. I looked at Steve and we shared a horribly knowing look as she had admitted to choosing her death, she was me, exactly as I had been at my worst.

FLASHBACK

A little girl with fair skin and red curls bouncing around her head was smiling broadly as she ran through the room towards me not looking where she was going and ran straight into my knee and fell back on her bottom with an ummphh. She looked up at me and her big blue eyes widened as she took me in and I realised she was probably scared of me so I walked around her, for some moments I kept walking surprised when I fell something tug on my trousers i looked down and saw the little girl who was smiling broadly at me. I was surprised at her lack of fear, she looked up at me and asked "what's it like being so tall Mr?" I cocked my head slightly looking down at the little girl "I don't know normal to me I guess" "that's a rubbish answer Mr" I felt a smile tug at the corner of my lips "it is isn't it" she nodded sending her hair flying all around her head, i chuckled lightly under my breath and bent down to her level "you want to know what it's like to be so tall?" she nodded her little face lighting up I picked her up and swung her on to my shoulders holding onto her legs "it's like flying" she said in a dreamy voice I smiled fascinated in the little girl who wasn't afraid of me like very other person I had met. Initially I put it down to childhood innocence but something didn't seem right about it this little girl was more intelligent than most children her age should be, after a while I knelt down and she clambered off of my shoulders. She looked at me and looked at my arm only seeming to just notice it, i wanted to hide it afraid it would scare her but to my surprise she looked up at me and asked "Please can I touch your shiny arm" I bent down and watched as she ran her tiny fingers over it taking it in with her eyes almost in a trance "does it move?" i flexed my arm and wiggled my fingers "wow, I want one" i laughed lightly, "I only have it because I had an accident" she rapped her arms around it tightly and looked up at me from where her face rested on my arm "i'm sorry" she then kissed my arm. I looked in shock at the little girl in front of me she stepped back and said "I have to go now mr, i have training" "training?" i asked. She nodded "yeah i have to go and practice in the firing range, I'm getting good now" looking at the girl I was in shock she couldn't be older than five. She turned to leave but turned when she reached the door she turned and ran back "whats your name mr?" "the asset" "thats not a proper name thats a title" "it's the name I had" "well I'm going to call you hmmm" she stopped talking thinking hard before her face lit up and she said "shiny" "shiny?" i asked laughing. "because your pretty arm is shiny" i made an ohhhhh face she nodded "well if you know my name can i know yours?" I asked politely she nodded "I'm Lilly, but you can call me Lil, but don't tell anyone only special people call me Lil" "like who?" i asked looking from side to side pretending to make sure there was no one watching. "Just you and agent Marcus" she said seriously "not even father" I smiled "well I hope to see you again soon Lil" she nodded and flung her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I was shocked for a moment before i gently wrapped my arms around her too "me to Shiny, your a good person, i only trust good people" she then ran away out of the door and I watched as it swung shut behind her.

PRESENT TIME

I came back to reality and I was on the floor clutching my head and Steve was knelt beside me calling my name, I snapped out of my state and sat up right and turned to look at the girl who was staring out of the window. "Lilly?" I asked she snapped round in seconds. I thought I saw something flash across her eyes but it was gone in an instant and i couldn't pin point what it was. "I remember her Steve" i said looking to my friend who looked between me and Lilly. "You two know each other?" "we did" murmured Lilly quietly, "but hydra stole that away as well."


	3. Chapter 3

Lilly's POV

I looked at Bucky for a while before turning to Stark as he addressed me "well what do you want in return for all this?" I pulled the vial out of my pocket and showed it to the group, "i want to know how I survived something no other person did, i want to know how Hydra changed me and why I can do what I can do" "what can you do?" stark asked taking the vial from me and examining the contents. Shield weren't the only ones to run experiments on there soldiers Hydra did to" as i said this my body began to glow and all electrical appliances started loosing power, it all built up in me and when I had enough I extended my palm towards the couch, a bold of electricity shot out of my hand and hit the sofa which blew about eight feet in the air and caught of fire, "it has also increased my strength and slowed my ageing rate, but thats all I know my father wouldn't tell me any more" Stark nodded, "well Im going to go check this out bet the Hulk'll wanna see this" I stood there unsure of what I should do as everyone dispersed and started doing various things around the tower. Clint came up to me and asked "So Hydra hu?" "yeah" "and you know the winter solider?" "well shine-mr Barnes and I knew each other through my time growing up but they wiped his memories completely, he doesn't know me anymore" i turned and looked at the man who was the topic of our conversation who was talking to Captain Rogers on the sofa with a smile on his face "you know he's getting his memories back he'll remember you too" i sighed smiling lightly at the man "that's the problem though, he's getting his memory back, even when I knew him he had been wiped he had no recollection of his past as those memories come back he isn't going to be the man I knew, he'll remember who he was and he'll become him again, i'm happy for him everyone deserves to know who they are but well it doesn't change the fact that he won't be the person I knew" clint looked thoughtfully for a moment staring at Bucky too "you could get to know the him he is becoming you might like that man too" i smiled "i'm sure I would, no matter what he will always be him in some sense of the words but he won't be the man that" i took a shaky breath "he won't be the man that made me feel the way I felt" i said drinking in Bucky with my eyes "the friend i knew before" i added quickly."Clint put a hand on my shoulder "maybe he can be that man just with a bit extra to him that you have to get to know" he grinned and wandered off, to Natasha.

I looked back over to Steve and Bucky who were both staring at me, Steve beckoned me over with a wave of his hand i wandered slowly over they were both sat on the undamaged couch, I perched myself in an arm chair opposite them and stared at hem waiting for one of them to talk. Captain Rogers was the one to speak "So tell us about yourself Lilly" i raised my eyebrows "i tell you I have information on hydra and you want to talk about me?" they both chuckled, "why not?" asked Bucky. "Well what do you want to know" I asked. "Stuff" "stuff?" you don't talk to women very often do you Captain Rogers" "unfortunately less than I would like to and please call me Steve" i nodded "well Steve I was born into Hydra my life revolved around them, I replaced the winter soldier when we lost contact as I had to kill off any lose ends of Hydra in the section that was found out, 178 kills, 234 outstanding targets, i have intermediate hand to hand combat training, as well as weapon expertise, i have been shot three times stabbed once, and I have let twelve targets on missions survive" "you let them survive" Bucky asked "i knew they were innocent, i wasn't going to kill them just because they were an inconvenience to Hydra" "they would have killed you if they found out" "it was worth the risk." "Any thing else?" I looked form side to side looking for anyone listening in and motioned with my finger for them to come closer and whispered "my favourite colour's green" i stood up and smiled before walking over to the scotch on the table and taking a swig. I looked out the window and saw something moving one of the windows of the tower opposite that didn't sit right, then in my mind it clicked, "GET DOWN" I bellowed and fell to the floor glass shattering over me as bullets shot through the window, my eyes looked over to Bucky and our eyes connected my stray hairs that had come lose were blowing around me in the wind blowing through the non existent window. For a moment it was like the last time I saw him his eyes locked on mine and mine on his. The bullets stopped and I spun round pulling my gun out of my jacket at the same time, it was a fair distance and i would have preferred a riffle but I hardly had a choice my eyes trailed on the moving figure in the window I took aim and released a single shot the figure fell. I let out a breath and realised that i was now surrounded by everyone in the room, "good shot" said clint looking at the tower opposite. "179" i said sighing in regret, i reminded myself he had in fact been trying to kill us but it didn't ease my conscience at all. Stark strolled into the room and looked around at the room, "I leave you alone for twenty minutes."

Climbing into bed that night in Stark tower I doubted I would get much sleep, I was in a pair of mens boxers which one of the guys I'm not sure who had lent me and an oversized t-shirt of Steve's, Jarvis turned the lights off and I simply watched as the clock ticked round and around i drifted into a sea of my own thoughts that were spinning round my head at a 100mph around my head, my eyes unfocused on the clock. What felt like ten minutes later i looked back up at the clock and sat up in surprise as i realised three hours had passed, i wiped my face with my hands and climbed out of bed intending to get a drink but I was stopped when I came across Steve in the hall way sat against the wall. "Steve?" i whispered just loud enough for him to hear, his head snapped to look at me and then his form relaxed again when he saw it was me. "Sorry Lilly, it's just" then I heard it the screams and a grunts coming from the room beside him, i slid down on the other side of the door "nightmares?" i asked he nodded "or memories though I'm not sure theres all that much difference between them" The man beside me looked so broken I wanted to reassure him desperately "its just hard learning who you are all over again, it's painful to know you could even forget yourself what and who you were, but in the end the memories become a sense of peace, eventually knowing that you have everything back is better than never knowing who you were or are." He looked at me for a moment "wise beyond your years arnt you" I smiled. "I had to grow up fast I never had a choice" " do you ever get the nightmares?" I nodded "only a few times though they wiped me more often that Mr Barnes so i wouldn't remember, once every three months or so and they only took specific memories from me, its only been a few weeks since my last wipe its going to be a while before I remember what they stole." Another scream made us both wince "so hydra experimented too then" i nodded "it wasn't consensual on my behalf though" what do you mean "well it's actually one of the memories they stole from me, it was two and a half years ago now they had me forced into the chamber and injected me with that bloody surum I can't remember who gave the order but if I ever remember I will kill them with my bare hands." "What do you remember happening?" I remember being in my room when they sent a friend of mine in when I looked up at him I knew they had wiped him he uh" i sniffed remembering the horrible loss I had felt at the realisation he didn't remembered me. "Sorry, uh well it was devastating enough to know that they had taken him from me stolen the person I had known, he dragged me out of my room with me kicking and screaming i managed to break free and we started fighting but my heart wasn't in it, i couldn't fight him i let my feelings make me weak, he over powered me and took me into the chamber and forced me into the machine, i begged him and pleaded, he looked at me and din't know me and I broke then I couldn't fight it anymore I let the clasps go around my wrists and just looked out of the window of the chamber he stared at me blankly i felt them inject the serum. I have never felt a pain like it not even being wiped compares to the pain. Even through that though i looked at him begging him with my eyes to remember he never did that was the last time I saw him, until now that is." Recognition flashed over Steve's face "You mean your friend was" "yep James Barnes." It's one memory I hope he never recovers, it wasn't his fault" Steve looked at me looking astounded eventually the words he chose to speak were "I'm sorry" i smiled at him "hey it's not your fault" he grinned "is your favourite colour really green?" i laughed "sure is Emerald green" he smiled and stood up I'm going to try and get some sleep" I nodded and watched as he went down the hall. Standing up myself I opened the door to Bucky's room and looked at his form under the covers he was sweating and his hair was plastered to his face, I didn't dare touch him afraid I would startle him. His face was contorted and I murmured the words I had told him every time that he had doubted himself in anyway into his ear "I only trust good people shiney." His face relaxed and his his body sunk into the bed and he flipped over in the bed falling into a peaceful slumber.


	4. Chapter 4

Lily's POV

It took me some time to fall asleep but eventually I did my dreams were pleasant and those of when I had first met Bucky, as just a little girl intrigued by the tall man who looked so fierce yet lost at the same time. I woke up to the sound of Jarvis who woke me up at eight I jumped out of bed quickly an threw on my clothes from the previous day before heading up to the main room of the tower everyone was already awake and eating breakfast, "you let me sleep until eight?" i questioned no one in particular, "well I thought you could do with a rest after yesterday" stark commented. I plopped down at the table in a seat beside Clint who shovelled a pancake on to my plate. "I feel like I am at summer camp with a communal breakfast like this" i said, laughs sounded around me" "you went to summer camp?" asked clint. "No a good friend told me about it" I caught Steve's eye and we shared a look he knew who i was talking about.

Steve's POV

I felt so sorry for Lilly I really did she had lost a friend in a way and yet she hadn't he was sat beside me eating breakfast, but the way she spoke about him, the way she looked at him I felt there was something more, her feelings went deeper than friendship. She was a genuinely good person at least to Bucky if no one else, she didn't force her memories onto him wanting him to become what he once was as I had at the beginning. I realise now what a selfish thing that was for me to do, i had learnt to accept that he remembered bits and pieces in his own time but never once did Lilly even said she knew him, she gave him up completely so he could do what he needed to do despite the loss she had through those actions. Realising this my trust grew for her just slightly but my admiration for her soared, she had given up what sounded as though it was one of her only comforts in her life so that Bucky could do what he had to. I looked to Bucky and realised that he was staring at Lilly with great intent, I kicked him under the table and he looked at me. "What?" he asked "staring at her much" i whispered a light smirk on my face. "Give me a break Steve I just found out i knew the girl" he nodded "maybe you should talk to her about it if you want to know more."

Bucky's POV

"Maybe you should talk to her if you want to know more" he said to me, I looked at Lilly across the table who was smiling at a conversation clint and Stark were having, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea. After breakfast I walked up to her and asked if she would mind if we had a chat, "Of course not" she had said though I could hear the nervousness in her voice we took a seat at the breakfast bar at the far side of the room. "Can I help you Mr Barnes" she asked "Please call me Bucky" I said to her, she looked down at her hands, and fiddled with her fingers anxiously, "i uh i can't .. its just" i smiled tilting my head an recalling my most recent memory that had returned "or if you prefer you could call me what you called me before, lil" she looked at me her eyes wide open. "Shiney I need to know how much you remember about me, I'm not going to go filling your head with my memories when you need to remember your own" I smiled at the use of the name "shiny stuck then throughout the time we knew each other" she blushed, "yeah, it's just how I came to know you." I sighed "to be honest I only remember what I assume to have been our first meeting when you gave me my name and said you felt like you were flying and my amazement at you not being scared of me or my arm, why weren't you by the way" she chuckled, "you know we had this conversation when I was fourteen and you helped me with my maths work" "well telling me again wouldn't be filling my head with a false memory you would just be repeating an answer to a question I had forgotten." She sighed with a smile on her face, "my answer to your question was that when I ran into you and i looked at you I was a little scared but when I looked into your eyes you looked like someone who needed comfort, someone who was lost even to themselves and I wanted to help you, and when you showed me how tall you were I just forgot about anything scary in my own life i felt safe with you, i never knew why I still don't to this day, i felt like you protected me from my fears and i wanted to protect you from yours" I stared at her unsure of what to say a warm feeling rose up in my stomach knowing that she cared for me."Do you still feel that way?" I questioned she looked like she was picking her answer carefully but honestly. "With or without your memories you will always be my light in the dark, the one person I trusted and I will always protect you for that reason, but you don't remember our friendship and I don't expect anything from you, your protection or your friendship and as you remember your past with Steve and Your years at Hydra you'll change as those memories effect you, I don't expect you and I to have the same friendship we once had as you remember the true you that you had lost." She smiled and stood up walking away leaving me sat in a stunned silence as she passed she gave my shoulder a light squeeze. I turned and watched as she disappeared into the lift, I raised my hand up to my shoulder and ran my mechanical hand over the place her hand had rested for that precious moment.

Steve's POV

I walked over to Bucky who was looking after Lilly who had just stepped into the lift, "you alright pal?" I asked him. "She's a mystery to me Steve and I don't like it, I know that I knew her that I should know her, she won't tell me anything about myself or her or our past" I smiled sympathetically at my friend "you know she probably doesn't want you to feel like she forced her memories on to you or her feelings of friendship" i sat down beside him "she wants you to make judgements on your own memories and decided how you feel about them, you were a different person to some extent when she knew you, she's worried that the you with all of your memories will make a different choice than the one you made when you had no memories when you befriended each other." "It's just frustrating, not knowing everything, i remember more than half the things of when we were friends but my time with her is a blank apart from our first meeting" "she's in the same boat buck they messed with her head too they've stolen from her just as they have from you, she was forced like you to do their bidding" Bucky nodded "I know Steve its just" "I know buck I know"

Lilly's POV

I was walking along the hall when my head felt like it was splitting in two, I clutched my head my hands forcing pressure on my temples, and a familiar flash crossed my vision, "shit, no it's to early" I gritted my teeth in pain i felt myself fall to the floor but I didn't even recognise the pain as I crashed to the floor. I felt my whole body spasming images flashed past my vision and i groaned in pain as my brain forced me to remember. I saw agent Marcus my half brother on my mothers side in my vision" I heard Jarvis in the distance but through the pain I couldn't understand what it was saying. I felt myself being picked up and then placed down on something soft but the image played through my mind like a horrific movie. i watched agents storm in on my target practice at aged eight or so and shot him, I crawled over to him and he was coughing and spluttering blood" I snapped out of the vision sitting bolt up right. I found everyone in the room surrounding me with what looked to be concern on their faces. "What did you remember?" I shook my head from side to side holding back the tears and I shut my eyes, I heard shuffling and when I opened my eyes the room was occupied by only one person, Steve. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took my hand, "what happened Lilly?" "Hydra they killed my brother marcus, i watched it happen I was with him when he died they shot him at practically point blank" i could hear my voice breaking and I coughed trying to hide it. Steve didn't say anything just stayed and ran his thumb over my hand until i fell into a deep sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

Lilly's POV

Waking up I found myself still clutching onto Steve's had who was asleep on a chair I assume someone had brought in for him at some point. I slowly eased my hand out of his and sat up and rubbed my face, i looked at the clock which read six 45 pm i had slept nearly all day. I gently shook Steve"s hand rousing him from his sleep he looked at me with sleepy half closed eyes and asked "how you feeling?" "less pain now, i think the sleep helped, thank you for staying with me, you didn't have to though" "no problem, hey what do you think you had a memory come back so early?" "maybe seeing Barnes again, he's been there on and off all my life, oh i dunno I'm talking out my ass, I have no idea" steve smiled slightly. "Come on, lets do get some dinner, i'm starving" I followed him out of my room and up to the tower, everyone was eating Pizza Stark and Bucky were watching tv and disguising what ever was on it, Natasha,clint and a bloke with blonde hair i hadn't met before were all talking about something. I wasn't very hungry and walked over to the couch flopping down beside Tony, they both stopped talking "don't stop talking on my account" i chuckled. Stark seeming to notice I was without food offered me his plate to take a piece of Pizza, but Bucky spoke up before I could "she doesn't like pepperoni Tony" his eyes didn't even move from the screen which was currently showing fast and furious. Stark and I looked at him with similar expressions on our faces. "How'd you know asked Stark" "i uh.." Bucky seemed slightly lost for words and looked down at his own plain pizza. "i um don't know I just knew" he looked to me and we locked eyes for a second, I tried to ease the situation for Bucky as best as I could by smiling "well however he knows he's right and i don't l like pepperoni" I stood up and walked to the other side and stole a slice of Bucky's Hawaiian pizza, and taking a a bite out of it. Bucky pulled a mock offended face on and said "you stole my pizza, my pizza, MY pizza" "deal with it dude" i took another bite and hmmed in pleasure just to emphasise how much I was enjoying it. "Hey Lilly, come over here a second" i looked up to Steve who had called me over i placed my half eaten pizza on the plate and said "thats mine shiny so hands off" before standing up and walking over to the small group that had gathered in the kitchen area.

Steve was the one to speak up, "Lilly this is Thor" I offered him my hand which he took and shook "nice to meet you" I said politely. He nodded "you have the power to control electrical objects?" he asked, i shook my head "no the electricity housed in them, and I can't exactly control it just channel it to a precise target." he motioned with my hand for me to demonstrate, I breathed deeply drawing in the power around me, the tv flickered off the lights flickerd above us. My skin once more began to glow it was like a warmth was growing inside me, I had no clue where to aim it so I aimed it a Thor's hammer which he picked up as I channeled the electricity into it. When i was completely finished my body was tingling, "Thor swung his hammer and then pointed it at one of tony's walls, a bolt of electricity shot out making a hole in the wall, Thor looked interested "is that as much as you can channel?" i shook my head "no, I can do much more and survive it but…" "but?" Tony pushed from behind me not in the least bit bothered by the hole in his wall "but others won't, it's more difficult to control and my body absorbs the electricity and I can use it at any time" "so you can control it?" "i won't ever do that again, all it takes is for me to lose my temper just slightly and I can release it on someone by accident, thats not a risk I'm willing to take, not again" i felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I looked round and realised shiny had his mechanical hand rested on my shoulder. Absent mindedly I leaned slightly closer to him comforted by his touch, i hoped as it it was his mechanical limb he wouldn't notice. Thor nodded an understanding look on his face "you know the consequences of your actions and turn down you power to protect those around you, that is the greatest power anyone has, choice." I nodded smiling as he rested his hand on my other shoulder. I realised then that though Hydra had done everything they could to form me into their ideal leader, fighter and warrior they couldn't take away the real me beneath it all, maybe there was more left of me than I had originally thought.

BUCKY'S POV

Lill'y voice was filled with emotion as she spoke and explained how delicate her abilities could be, before I could register what I was doing I had reached out my hand and placed it on Lilly's shoulder, she looked at the metal limb and then up at me, a look of gratitude flashed in her eyes. She turned back and I could her leaning into me slightly, a light smile I couldn't help pulled at my lips as I realised she had found comfort in my touch. For some time we all discussed our thoughts on Lilly abilities and potential plans to handle Hydra, I was quiet throughout and similarly so was Lilly, but she listened intently. "What do you think Lilly?" Steve asked, she looked startled, "sorry what?" she asked "what do you think?" "you want to know what I think?" Steve looked at her with a look of confusion on his face but Natasha gave her a look of understanding and walked over to her "we don't expect you to follow orders like before, we want your opinion, it will help a lot to have your opinion as you have the most knowledge of Hydra, your not a pawn in a chest game anymore" she led Lily over to the kitchen counter so she could better speak to everyone. I followed behind Lilly like a guard, something deep within me compelled me to and I couldn't stop the need I had to follow her. She looked down for a moment for taking a deep breath and bursting into explaining some of the Hydra's tactical responses. Half an hour later we were all still listening intently as she had moved onto the throning the more specialised soldiers went through "their well equipped to deal with pain, they have training on torture and how to inflict it" clint was the one to ask "what do you mean training on torture?" "any soldier above level fourteen has to prove they will not crack under torture, so the experiences are simulated that may be experienced" she turned and lifted the back of her top up to reveal four pond rectangular scars from her shoulder bleeds to her lower back it looked as though it ended just above the muscle. She started talking again still with her back turned to us "such as the removal of skin and flesh" she turned back around her face impassive, despite the looks everyone around her was giving her "drowning, the extraction of teeth, nail removal, breaking of bones, after that the soldier must also prove they are still an asset, still able to fight, you can only elect to dismiss one of the selected torture" "what did you chose?" asked Natasha. I realised then that everyone here was genuinely interested in getting to know the girl in the room with us. Lilly smiled softly and gave a very unhumorous laugh "I wanted to make my my father proud, I elected to turn down what was deemed as the mildest torture, drowning, my fathers opinion was everything to me until two and a half years ago I saw him for what he truly was" "what happened if you didn't complete the fight after" she shrugged "your executed." She changed the subject starting to explain that because of this these soldiers could be considered some of the best, looking round the room I could see the looks on ever ones faces most of them seeming to realise how this girl had grown up. She wasn't looking for sympathy though that much was clear, in a horrid way it was as though she had accepted what had happened to her as just another part of her life. For the next hour she gave us information on Hydra that we had never known before, I had only been able to give them all small pieces of information on Hydra, but her knowledge was amazing, as next in line we knew basically everything but Lilly assured us that there would be plenty we didn't know about as her father and her family before her would have taken precautions against such a big leak.

Steve's POV

After a fair amount of time I couldn't help but be interested in how the training had effected Hydra's soldiers, "Lilly?" I asked, "yeah" she replied taking a bite of cold Pizza which Bucky stole a piece of pineapple off of "would you mind demonstrating some of hydra's techniques?" Bucky choked on the piece of Pineapple he had been attempting to smile well Lilly gave him a mildly concerned look, after recovering he glared at me" "Steve I don't really think thats necessary" "will it help" Lilly asked I looked between her and a glaring Bucky and answered honestly "It would help to have some Idea what we are up against" "ok then, but member, the soldiers won't be as good as me as I pride myself on being the best" she smiled and stood up walking in the direction of the training room. I looked to Bucky who was still glaring, "damn it Steve i'll be fucked if this is actually necessary, we both know every soldier fights differently a style thats unique to themselves" I sighed "I know buck but if she comes with us I need to know that she's capable of handling herself, when did you get so protective over her anyway?" he rubbed his temples "I have no idea Steve."


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky's POV

We were all stood behind the protective screen, that looked into the training room Lilly was stood in the midle of the room, apparently Tony had an automated training system with thousands of of different configured settings. Lilly had keyed in a playlist a feature Tony had added but not expected to be used she had chosen a lot of fast paced songs. Tony hit the com asked "You ready Lilly?" she nodded and it began, holographic men started coming at her and she began to fight, her hand to hand combat was impeccable and as I watched her I noted she took a similar stance to myself when fighting, in fact she nearly mirrored me perfectly. My vision flashed, it was a light that felt like i was looking directly into the sun, I lent against the wall for a moment before shuffling quietly out of the door as best as i could, i crumpled to the ground in a heap clutching my head as my mind began to show me whatever it was I had forgotten.

FLASHBACK

Lilly was older but it was her she looked to be around 16 years old she was starting to gain the curves of a woman but still young enough to be seen as a child, I knew better though, though she was young she was mature for her age very much so, her upbringing here at Hydra mainly to blame. I felt for her she didn't have a childhood like others had running round with friends at home, she had grown up around men older than her constantly pushing her to better herself in things most people her age would never dream of. I watched her fighting in the training room her hands bore no weapon but her opponents did, knifes and whips. I walked towards the open door and slipped inside to observe she was doing well but she had sustained some injuries, her white tank top by her hip looked like a red flower spreading out like blossoming petals. I felt anger tear at my insides, she caught my eye and, something changed she seemed more alert and she suddenly moved so quickly I was amazed and I raised and eyebrow as I watched she took them out like bowling pins, minutes later they were all unconscious on the floor and she wandered over to me and smile on her face. "What brings you here soldier?" i smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and ran my thumb over a cut on her cheek. I ignored the question asking one of my own "Are you ok?" she rested her hand on my own warming my flesh hand slightly. "Always" she answered, I lifted the bottom of her shirt and saw a rather deep stab wound. My eyes opened in alarm and I could feel the panic rising in me, "It's fine it didn't hit anything vital" she said as if reading my mind. She took a step closer to me wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me into a hug, she was tall, not as tall as me but tall enough that I could comfortably wrap my arms around her, I pulled her tight against me our bodies only separated by the fabrics of our shirts. "You never answered my question, what you here for?" she mumbled into my neck "Do i need a reason to come and see you?" I asked playfully. She stepped back and tilted her head slightly to the side slightly biting her lip, "you know you don't" she then tilted her head and kissed my cheek. "I have to go get this cleaned up" she said motioning to her waist. Then she jogged out of the room leaving me stood there, i ran my hand over my cheek, it was a little bit stubbly i hadn't shaved today so I wasn't surprised but all I could think of was her soft lips against my skin.

I was breathing heavily as I snapped out of the memory, I gulped in as much air as I could trying to fill my lungs, as I thought of what I had just seen something inside me told me that remembering her was going to be one of the most important things I would ever do. This was one memory I wasn't exactly keen on sharing anytime soon with anyone else. It was private and something that felt strangely intimate despite the innocence of it, i clambered to my feet and steadied myself on the wall for some time before entering back into the observing room where I found most people even Thor with a similar look on his face to everyone, one of shock, "her stamina is, unmatched" commented Tony checking his figures, "sorry captain, you have competition" Steve was staring open mouthed at Lilly who had just flipped and landed and turned to check for anymore dangers before tony pressed another button and she a gun was offered, they were all gone in moments. My face began to match that of the people in the room with me, and I couldn't help but think we better hope she was the best because if they were all this good they could end up being a serious obstacle. Watching her fight was like watching a dance the easy she moved from one move to the next with such fluidity you would think she was born to fight. When she stopped she turned to the screen and asked, "can i have a break I'm getting a bit thirsty" Tony laughed" "sure, come on out of there and we'll get you one" he pressed another button and a single holographic figure with a bow and arrow was behind her, just as he released it she jumped into the air amazingly high and flipped landing behind him and shooting him in the back of the head. "Can I actually have a drink now please?" Tony spoke into the com "UH hu" well another to put on the list for Lilly, making Tony Stark speechless.

Steve's POV

Well she could handle herself that was for sure and she had some of the increased strength Bucky and I had received, she really was quite wonderful and the way she handled situations head on, never backing down or away for them she faced them head on, like I had done before the Serum, I guess she reminded me a lot of myself when I was younger. I watched her from where she was led on the sofa flicking through the channels before settling on some comedy show. She took a gulp of her drink and led her head back on the arm of the sofa, "Staring much?" Bucky asked taking a seat beside me also turning his eyes to Lilly I laughed "throwing my own words back at me now ah buck?" he grinned. We sat in silence staring at her both lost in her thoughts. "You like her don't you?" I asked Bucky. "Yeah she's nice" "no Bucky I mean you like her" he turned to me and sighed "No Steve i'm seven years older than her, well eight now actually and she's only nineteen for crying out loud" "Bucky things got pretty messed up when we were frozen and things changed, an age gap like that, it doesn't really matter, we can both safely say she acts older than nineteen anyway" Bucky sighed and gulped down another gulp of scotch and made a face. "She makes me feel things Steve not like before the war when it was just casual dates and sex, I want her in my life, i have no clue in what sense a friend, Lover, wife I just don't know, but what I do know is there is no way I am good enough for her, look at everything iv'e done, all the people I've killed." He took another gulp and I picked my next words very carefully "she's not new to that Bucky she has sees it for what it is, she has caused death by her hand too buck, its not like she has any heroic romantic motions of killing the enemy Lilly knows the brutal hard truth she's not as innocent as she seems" I sighed "not as she should be anyway" "but in so many ways she is Steve" he stood up and headed to the lift most likely heading for bed. I noticed Lilly eyes trailed after him from where she lay, looking at him with a deep longing.


	7. Chapter 7

Lilly's POV

Only Natasha was still up when I started heading off to my bedroom, I walked past Bucky's room and heard the tortured grunts and moans from inside his room, I pushed open his door and stepped inside, the room was mostly in shadow apart from a small strip of light being cast from the city light from outside. I walked over to the bed and knelt down beside the bed and pouched his hair out of his face gently with my long fingers, I started gentle drawing circles on his hand, his skin warm to the touch, I wanted more than anything for his hand to wrap around mine again, to make me feel safe. I closed my eyes and started to hum the soft tune of an old rhyme I knew. Then singing the words softly, Bucky turned over in the bed so he was facing me, i checked his face and saw much to my relief his eyes were still closed. I just watched him and sang hoping that in some way I was helping him through his pain and torment, just as he had done for me on the night of my twelve birthday, the day I had gone through my torture training. He had come into my room and simple sat beside my bed holding my hand in his and whispering that everything would be ok. That pain didn't last forever and even if it did he would be there to protect me. Bucky seemed calmer now and It took all of my effort to drag myself away from him and not stay by his side, I closed my eyes giving him once last glance before turning and heading out of the door without looking back.

Bucky's POV

I felt something tickling my hand and a sweet sound but it was so pleasant I didn't want to open my eyes, I realised that it was obviously a hand resting on my own and the sound of someone singing quietly, I desperately wanted to open my eyes and see who it was but I didn't dare worried that the person would stop. All tension in my body relaxed at the touch, and only moments after I had settled into the touch did the hand leave mine, my hand twitched begging for the contact once more but I was disappointed. Hearing footsteps I opened my eyes slightly and saw the retreating figure of Lilly leaving my room.

Lilly's POV

I dragged myself back to my room reluctantly, begging my emotions to stay calm and collected but I was losing my battle to them, I was sure that soon they would be what was dictating my emotions not my mind. My whole body began to shake and I steadied myself against the wall trying to quell the action to no avail. My chest was tightening dramatically, i knew not to panic that was the worst thing I could do so I did the best thing I could do call for help. I clumsily crawled over to the side table beside the bed and hit Jarvis's emergency button, seconds later an alarm sounded and Jarvis's voice called over the system that there was an emergency in my room, I looked to my hands again and was confused to find them changing to a blue colour. I took a calming breath as best as I could with my tight chest deciding that I would wait for Dr Banner's diagnosis. Tony, Steve, Clint, Natasha, Bucky and Thor all darted into the room, Tony was the first to spot me on the floor and rushed over "what happened" I lifted up my hands for him to see, somethings happening, "is it the serum?" i asked hearing the terror in my voice that I could not hide. "Can you walk?" he asked surprisingly gently for Tony, i shook my head "Im sorry, i can't i'm not strong enough right now" he nodded and beaconed for Steve to come over and lift me up which he did with great care, then we all rushed down to the lab. Dr. Banner looked surprised as we all burst through, "Got anywhere with that serum?" asked Tony walking over and looking over Doctor Banners shoulder at the screen he was working behind. Steve placed me down on the metal bed though supported me in an up right position. "Actually I have" he answered getting up and walking to me, "never mind that, what about her hands" clint gestured towards me. "Well this actually backs up my theory" "the suspense is killing me" Natasha drawled but did look quite interested in his scientific diagnosis. Dr. banner walked over to me and stood before me "I think it would be better that I spoke with Lilly alone" "why" asked stark still trying to work out the readings on the screen. "Doctor patient confidentiality" he smirked at stark who wandered out of the room followed by every one else, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hear this on my own "Shiny" I called quietly "Steve, can you two stay please" the both looked some wheat startled by my request but nodded and returned to my side.

Only once everyone else had left did doctor Banner start talking "Well Lilly when you asked about the Serum, Im assuming that you had no idea what it was, not only what did" i nodded "well then first off I will explain what it is, the serum is a highly volatile one much more aggressive than Steve's and mr Barnes and it was actually designed to effect the subject in a different way. You see the Serum was supposed to to effect the electrons to the brain to stimulate every area of the brain, causing greater intelligence, increase the build up of muscle strength, faster healing,slower ageing. Which it was some what successful in doing, the reason you survived is your genetics, but i will explain that in a moment. You see the reason all others died is that the Serum can't be successful when used in humans as their bodies are to weak to handle the serum." I looked at the doctor "but wait i survived,, but you said…" he stood there for a moment his eyes on me with sympathy until i realised "You said human am i not….?" I trailed off. He shook his head smiling "don't worry your not an alien or thor like in any manner, essentially you are part human part something else" "something else?" Steve questioned "have you heard of the mutants?" he asked. Oh shit no, i looked down at my hands things clicking into place, I shook my head taking a deep breath "so most likely my mother was a mutant?" i asked feeling ill. "Well the scans on the serum show that it would not be able to do anything but the electricity, but this" he said motioning to my hands which were actually starting to go back to their original colour and my results would confirm that you are intact a mutant yourself, which is why you survived the serum" I nodded not quite acknowledging it properly "but why now" i asked gesturing to my hands which were now back to normal. "Well the serum has been keeping your body very busy, the mutant inside of you has been fighting it as a foreign body but now that your body is accepting it, the mutation is making its own gifts known." "but I dint know, who did, i can't" my breathing was out of control now and I couldn't calm down my whole body felt like it was burning, my mind on everything that had just been told to me. I was shaking again and the blue was spreading up my arms "Whats happening", i bellowed my body shaking once more, Steve was holding me still trying to sooth me and Bucky had grasped my hand in his and I was squeezing it tightly. An image flashed in my mind and I knew who she was I recognised her my mother how could I have forgotten who she was? "I remember" i cried pushing my face into Bucky cool arm and wrapping my arms around it like I had done as a kid. "I know who my mother is" i choked out. "So do I" doctor banner said turning the screen around for us all to see, staring back at me was Mystique. Doctor Banner walked over and knelt so we were eye level with each other. "Lilly listen to me" he said his voice calm "it would appear your powers are linked to your emotion, when you get angry, upset or scared thats what will set it off" i hooded trying to calm myself.

Some hours later found me still clutching to Bucky's metal arm like a frightened child, we were all awake, my appearance had returned to normal and we were all up on the top floor of the Avengers tower. Everyone knew now and I was terrified of myself, I hated the Serum but I could control it this new side of me was something I had to learn all over again. Bucky's flesh hand had been resting on my own for some time and i dosed off to sleep leaning against him with his arm around me on the sofa.


	8. Chapter 8

Bucky's POV

I watched as Lilly fell asleep in my arms and despite the events of the last few hours I felt complete with her in my arms i had eased us down to a half lying down position. She played the part of the soldier well I would grant her that but beneath all of that she was one of the greatest victims of Hydra's actions and the war between shield and themselves. "How's she doing Buck" Steve asked running his hand gently over her head, in a really fatherly action, "she's sleeping now, we all know how exhausting all this information can be when thrown at you" she nuzzled herself into my chest and grabbed the blanket off of the sofa arm behind me and covered her and myself with it. "She's strong though she'll get through it" Steve said, clint joined him by his side and looked down at Lilly. She's just a girl, she started younger than Nat for fuck's sake, what kind of life is that?" "she never had a choice though" Natasha added quietly, "but's whats worse for her is she never had a lifestyle of value to lose, this is all she's ever known" despite Natasha's cold demeanour i could see the sadness in her eyes for herself for and for Lilly. The girl in my arms stirred and her palm moved to rest flat on my chest over my heart.

Flashback

Lilly stormed into my room her face red her knuckles bleeding a expression of anger written across her face, she turned sixteen a month ago and I hadn't seen her in a bad mood since. "He's such a dick" she fumed, I raised my eyebrows from where i was led with my head against my metallic arm on my bed, "who?" i questioned "lucas" I suppressed an amused smile, she and Lucas had been at each others throats ever since he had joined three years ago, "whats he done this time?" I asked sitting up and motioning for her to sit beside me on the bed. "He won't grant me access to the RX" "your not even supposed to know about the RX" "well I do and you know what harm could it do to let me see it?" she flopped backwards flinging her arm over her eyes and sighing. I led down beside her my head looking to the left looking at her half covered face i tried to keep the amusement out of my voice but failed miserably "Oh you know blow up half the planet?" she turned her head and removed her arm so we were nearly nose to nose her eyes looking into mine. "I wasn't planning on touching it, I just wanted to have a look" "yeah and I'm pretty sure pigs can fly" i replied. She smiled, "how do you know me so well?" "because your my lil and I'm your shiny soldier" we both laughed. As we calmed down we looked into each others eyes again, her face became calm, I couldn't help but let my eyes trail down to her lips which parted slightly, I looked back into her eyes "when do you have to go back into status?" she asked, and I could hear the sadness in her voice and I pulled her into a hug, she buried her head into my shoulder and I rested my chin on her head, we were still lying down "hopefully it will be a while yet" i said not really sure how to reassure the girl. She pulled away and looked up at me slightly her hand rested on my chest and she looked back down at her hand "it's so calming" "hmm?" "your heartbeat" she explained "its calming,strong and consistant" she said looking up at me with a ghost of a smile on her lips. I smiled at her and leaned down towards her she looked nervous but her head responded by tilting up and our lips connected, with such gentle tenderness i was surprised not thinking myself capable of something so meaning full, my hand raised up and cupped her head in my hand, her hair was soft under my finger tips and i gentle stroked it never taking my lips from hers, she rolled over so she was on top of me straddling my body both my arms slid down her body and I gripped her hips firmly. I couldn't be certain but I thought I heard a slight moan come from her, i smiled as our tongues danced together each of us fighting for dominance. I pulled away for breath and we rested our foreheads against each other, i opened my eyes "We shouldn't be doing this" i panted slightly out of breath. She pulled away gently "I'm sorry" she muttered clambering hastily off of me and running her hands through her hair, pushing it back from her face. "I shouldn't have…. you know forget it happened" I stood up as she flustered around, she put her hands across her face "Oh gosh" I grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from her face despite her resistance. She looked down and I tilted her head up to look at me with my metallic index finger "calm down" i said pulling her close to me, "your so young" i said, she pulled back harshly looking offended "is that what it is, you still think of me as the four year old you met all those years ago on't you" she went to storm out but once again I grabbed her arm "would you let me finish" I asked her, but she still resisted, I flung her on to the bed as gently as I could and pinned her down. She was breathing heavily and she looked pissed off but I had never though she had looked so beautiful, her hair spilled around her head against the stark white pillow looking like honey her lips were swollen from our kiss and her skin looked like porcelain. I looked down at her my own hair falling around me, "now ready to listen?" her only reply was to struggle and I suppressed a smile. "Look I only meant, that there is a bigger age gap than there looks, were from different times its not you its me, ok?" I sighed "how could I think of you as that little girl when you have grown up so beautifully into a woman, yes that's what you were then but I care about what you are now, it just doesn't seem fair that you would settle for a ninety something year old man like me, not only that I am what I am, a killer I can't change that no matter what" she looked up at me and it was then that I felt nervous, only then did i realise that everything was out of my hands, that I had spilled every venerability I felt around her right to her. She pulled her hand free and this time I let her she surprised me when she smiled and cupped my cheek in her hand, i closed my eyes and lent into her touch "your right we shouldn't be doing this" she then guided my head down and our lips connected once more, I rolled onto my side pulling her with me. Pulling away she said quietly "you know I care about you so much, so much it's starting to scare me" I felt he hand run onto the muscle of my metallic arm and grip it tightly. I kissed her again with more force "my feelings for you used to scare me to" she looked shocked "how long have you…?" i played with a strand of her hair, "I don't know, ever since you were little i knew I would protect you with my life, i cared for you so much and I didn't understand it but recently those feelings have well warped into something more something deeper, i don't want to lose you, not ever" she hugged me close and I wrapped my arms around her frame pulling her close.

Present Time

I was breathing heavily and Lilly's hand had balled up in my shirt, the guys were still stood around "Buck did you just remember something?" i nodded "what was it?" Steve asked eagerly always keen to know what I had remembered "time at Hydra" i answer vaguely, this was one memory that was most defiantly not going to be shared as long as I could help it. "Oh" Steve, sounding as though he didn't want to push it any further, Lilly's hand relaxed back to resting flat on my chest. Everyone wandered off and I looked down to Lilly once more, I watched as she sniffed slightly before getting more comfortable in her sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Nudity in this chapter but nothing goes on just really trying to show the more venerable side to the character that isn't going to be shown often,

Lilly's POV

I woke up to something moving slightly beneath me, I could hear soft breathing and smiled absentmindedly to myself, I couldn't help but love how relaxed Bucky was when he was asleep. My eyes shot open and I tilted my head up slightly to find myself in a position I had been in many times before, but looking around I was in the Avengers tower, why the hell was I asleep in Bucky's arms? All the events of last night came rushing back to me and I sighed, I shifted slightly trying not to wake the sleeping form of Bucky but was unsuccessful as his muscles tensed and he pull me against him, I couldn't help but revel in the feeling even if i knew it was just a natural human reaction. His eyes flickered open before he yawned loudly and looked down at me, "morning" "morning" I murmured before remembering the position I was in "Oh uh sorry, i'll move" I muttered trying to clamber off of him, but I tripped as I tried to stand up and fell pretty much flat on my face "Oh gosh Lil, are you alright?" "yep" I mumbled standing up, though I could feel my face heating up slightly in embarrassment. "Im gonna go get a shower you know, get cleaned up after last night" I walked to the lift and pressed the button. I felt a presence behind me and I looked at Bucky. "I need a shower too" he explained i nodded and smiled weakly at him. We stepped into the lift in silence when it arrived and pressed the button for the rooms floor, but half way there Bucky stopped it mid descent, I looked at him questioningly. "I keep remembering you" he stated, "what do you remember?" i asked "that you meant a lot to me, that your someone important in my life" "was someone important" i corrected. "I will remember" no matter how fucking long it takes, I know you made me feel something I have never felt before" the rest of the lift journey was in silence, as I stepped out he pinned me to the wall of the corridor "I have one question though, you at least owe me that" i nodded "Do you still feel the way you did before" I lowered my head then looked at him in the eyes "I always will, your my one and only my light in the dark like I said before, and I will always care about you" he looked slightly stunned by my answer and released me, I walked of immediately not daring to look back knowing that how I felt for him would win over and I would not be able to stop myself from running back to him and telling him everything. Entering my room, I dropped my clothes of as i headed towards the bathroom leaving a trail of them behind me. I turned on the shower and stepped beneath the hot spray, I needed him so badly I needed him to remember but I would never tell him, I would not force anything on to him, I just couldn't, I loved him to much to do that to him.

Natasha's POV

I strolled along to Lilly's room and nocked for politeness sake but opened the door almost immediately, I carried a bag filled with newly bought clothes which I put onto her bed. The sound of something caught my attention and I could hear the shower but the sound that caught my attention was the quiet sound of sobbing. I headed to the bathroom door and poked my head around the door Lilly was sat on the floor of the shower her exposed scared back taking the brunt of the showers rays, her skin was an angry red and I stepped into the bathroom, "Lilly" I said walking towards her, she didn't move though I was almost certain she had heard me. I knew the toll what we did could take and Lilly's sobbing form reminded me so much of myself when I could no longer hide the pain I was feeling weather it be physical or mental. I knelt down beside her and pulled her to me, my arms holding her tight, offering the support I had never had. The rays poured on to us both soaking us, and silent tears rolled down my cheeks as well my own feeling making themselves present. She clung to me and I returned the action stroking her wet hair gently "you wanna talk about it?" I asked quietly. She shook her head "no need to burden you with my problems when we all have our own", then she let out a choked laughed and looked up at me. "Natasha?" she asked, i realised my face too was probably red and blotchy from my own crying and I smiled at her, she pulled me into a hug suddenly in a surprisingly comforting manner, I wrapped my arms around her to and we hugged each other close. Lilly pulled away and smiled, "uh i better get some clothes on she said gesturing at her naked form i chuckled lightly "i dunno, i reason the guys might appreciate you looking like that" she grinned and playfully flicked me before we stood up and she went to her room to pick out some clothes. I followed her out standing in the doorway of the bathroom and noticed a tattoo large tattoo that ran the length of her thigh, Intricate roses intertwined with beautiful vines, in a black and white design. "Nice Tat" I commented and she finished pulling her underwear up "Oh thanks fourteenth birthday present" she commented sitting down to pull on black jeans. "Fourteenth birthday, bit young isn't it" she shrugged and turned around smiling as she pulled a black tank top over her head "I was feeling rebellious, i had a few days spare after a mission and thought what the hell?" i grinned at her. "Is the training room open?" she asked "thinking of getting some early practice?" she nodded and I gave her the directions to the room.

Lilly's POV

I found way to the training room with relative ease having made only one wrong turn and realised my mistake almost immediately, I stood by the door way for a moment before walking over to the punching bags. I gave it a soft punch followed by another, then another and so it continued the longer I did it the more I increased the strength of the punches. An indescribable amount of anger was running through me, the lost of Bucky, my families lies, my own horrid actions and the world in general. I could see my arms turning blue but this time, i felt no pain like the previous night it traveled further too, soon covering my entire body, i scoffed slightly, well it would appear that Bruce's assumption was correct it was controlled by my emotions. This filled my anger further, scarlet blood was splattered on the beige punching bag but I didn't care instead choosing to continue my assault on the bag. I span round though as a noise sounded behind me and I found myself face to face with Bruce who didn't look in the least bit surprised to see me here. "Well I was right then" "It would appear so, but I don't think blue is my colour" "greens not mine" he retorted with a smile, i couldn't help but let a light smile form on my lips, "care to trade" I asked walking towards him. He chuckled sitting down against the wall, I sat beside him my hands resting on my bent knees. "It would appear that you have inherited your mothers ability" i gawped at him open mouthed. "Can I really call her my mother though?" I asked "I doubt she ever carried me, i was formed in a dish, made to be how someone else desired, a mother wants a child, she didn't want me" I picked at a tiny peace of raised skin on my hand pulling it free between two fingers. "But your still you, your in control now, we don't expect anything off you like hydra did, we have become a family and hope that you will become part of that to" i looked away my emotions all over the place. "what do you mean inherited her ability?" i asked changing the subject completely. "Well she can shift her form ,the tests I had run on you would suggest you have the same ability though it may take some time to master it" i nodded, "I'm assuming your somewhat interested in it" i said looking at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm not gonna lie i am but if your not comfortable that comes first" i shook my head smiling "oh to hell with it, i kinda wanna know too, I said. He laughed, "I had no choice with the serum" i explained "I may not have a choice with this but, this is who I was born to be, i have to learn to accept it" he smiled at me "sure your nineteen?" he asked "people ask me that a lot" i said and we both chuckled.

We spent two and three quarter hours in the training room, bruce and I trying to work out how to accomplish changing the emotions into a specific form not to just the blue skin. We accomplished absolutely nothing until the end of the second hour when I managed to turn my hand in to the mirror image of Bruce's hand, it was quite a shock to both of us when it happened, both looking in awe at my the limb that no longer looked as though it belonged to me. Three quarters of an hour later and my whole arm was an exact mirror image of his, but I was getting tired and Bruce seemed to sense this, "maybe we should stop for the day and get something to eat, you haven't even had breakfast yet" i nodded looking at my arm, I took a deep breath and thought of nothing calming my muscles my thoughts just everything needing to be calm. Looking down I could see that my arm was subtly changing and my hand was begging to look like mine again with my long pale slender fingers returning to there natural appearance. We headed up to the main tower talking amongst ourselves disguising his result and me asking him to explain the basics to me so I could understand at least some of what he and tony so often talked about.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey guys sexual content in this chapter, is strongly implied, but I skipped the details mainly :)

Lilly's POV

Bruce and I arrived up on the main floor still talking amongst ourselves, when we arrived on the floor no one was there which was somewhat suspicious, "where are they?" asked Bruce. "Gone out for lunch" he suggested, i shock my head "Doubt it" i said" Steve is too much of a gentleman to not invite us both, "so their ether up to something, we are missing a vital fact or the worlds ending" i added shrugging. "For once I hope their up to something" Bruce said i nodded "I wouldn't put anything past Stark after all he's a compl…." I didn't have time to complete my sentence as tony shot up through the floor sending debris and dust fling everywhere, bruce and I both instinctually ducked behind the kitchen island before I poked my head up looking for what was going on. Thor burst up through the hole almost instantly after soaring after tony who had apparently just summoned his iron suit as red and gold metal were flying towards him. "How often does the tower turn into a war zone?" I asked "once every three months or so" replied bruce shrugging his shoulders. I nodded sneaking closer to the battle, my intention wasn't to join in however but to see the damage that had been caused, I scooted closer to the hole in the floor poking my head over to inspect the damage. Three floors bellow me I could see movement and getting a closer look at the movement I realised that it was a dust covered Steve. "What happened?" I called down to him, before glancing back at the two fighting men quickly to make sure they were still a safe distance away from me then looked down again. He wasn't alone i realised as more figures covered completely in dust started moving around. "Tony said something about Loki, Thors brother, that he apparently wasn't too impressed with" "whens anyone impressed with what tony says?" I called down. "Lilly, were trapped the elevators lost power" "right hang in there" I called down to them all. I moved back to the table and said to Bruce "i gotta go get the others" he nodded absentmindedly as he scrolled through something on his tablet he had with him as though he was completely oblivious to the fight going on behind him. I made my way out of the room and called the elevator, no power at all I groaned and took a deep breath reaching out for the electricity in the building and pulling it to myself everything blacked out and i heard and indignant yell from bruce "Oi" "sorry" i called back "i'll recharge it in a bit" I called back. "Yeah yeah" he sighed. I called the elevator keeping my hand on the button so that it would remained powered, it opened and i stepped in, the strip light had fallen down and there was pipe that had pierced the wall the doors shut and it jolted downwards suddenly before resuming a normal pace, the powered died again and I inwardly groaned and tried holding the button but I didn't have enough power to power the lift. I pried the door open. The opening to the floor was at my feet level and I crouched down resting my head on the floor and looking out, I could see everyone sat around waiting for me. "Ding Ding" i said peering out everyone looked to the lift and Bucky was the first to spot me. "Lilly?" "Hey Buckster!" i said in an overly cheerful voice. Steve stood up and walked over to me "Uh, the lift isn't working is it?" "well temporarily out order" i said in a sheepish voice. "How did you get down this far?" "took all of the Electricity from the top two floors anything electrical down here I could use?" I asked. They all started skirting around looking for anything when Natasha held out a cut but live wire, "perfect" i slipped my arm out and held my palm out. "just put it on my palm" she handed it to Steve who took it "wait is that wise" asked Bucky looking alarmed, I smiled "Trust me" he took the wire from Steve and said "are you sure about this "Shiney Trust me" I extended my hand to him and he placed the exposed wire to my skin. I tenceded slightly but that was it. I could feel the electricity, it felt heavy as it pumped around my body like liquid wax running through my veins, I felt my body heat in response to the foreign body within me. "That's enough" i said softly in response he pulled it away quickly. I pulled my arm back in and stood up resign my hand against the control panel, the lift slowly lowered until it arrived on the floor they were all trapped on.

"All aboard" I said, Steve grinned stepping in and ruffling my hair as he went past, eventually we were all piled in with Clint stood at an awkward angle because of the bar that was inside the elevator. I kept my hand on the control panel as we zoomed up the couple or so floors and climbed out and judging by the noise still, Thor and Tony were still engaged in there fight. Everyone rushed out whilst I kept the doors open, intent on breaking the fight up, all except for one Bucky. I I stepped out of the elevator and the doors shut behind me, Bucky took my hand and inspected my palm and the small red burn in the centre. "I'm fine" i said and reached my hand up to his face cupping it lightly he closed his eyes and lent into it nuzzling against it. I suddenly realised what I was doing and pulled my hand away "I am so so sorry" I said before rushing of to join the others.

Bucky's POV

I just watched after her as she turned and ran in the direction of the fight, I sighed and lent against the wall hitting my head back against it, when she was around it was like no one else in the world existed. I closed my eyes, I knew she was being distant with me and the pain that caused felt physically debilitating.

Flashback

Everything was blurry, and i was cold, I sat up abruptly and looked wildly around a scientist near to me, he was to close I threw him across the room, everything was overwhelming my senses were in overdrive and I had no clue how long I was out for where was Lilly, was she ok or was she hurt whilst i was frozen yet again. A flash of red coming towards me caught my attention and something was engulfing me in a vice like grip I relaxed though when the sent of strawberries and bananas met my nose, It was Lilly, my Lilly my arms wrapped around he holding her close. "I missed you" she whispered, "how long" I asked "Only three months this time" I nodded as she stepped away from me and I pushed her fringe to the side and pulled her close crashing my lips onto hers, She smiled I felt it and I couldn't help the slight smugness that churned in my stomach at her reaction to me. I felt her hands slide from round my neck and her warm palms run down my chest, my breath hitched in my throat slightly and she pulled away. "Easy soldier" she purred before stepping away, I immediately felt the loss. She smiled shyly up at me, "get a shirt on you! that's only for me to see" she winked and headed from the room. I smiled and looked down, i felt the metal arm, I didn't mind it so much anymore, not like I had and i knew I had Lilly to thank for that. I got off of the table and pulled on a shirt before walking out of the room ignoring the unconscious scientist on the floor. Heading out I found my way to Lilly's room, she was like a magnet to me and I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, opening her door, I stepped inside and found her doing press ups she was wearing short black shorts and a black sports bra. I looked at her back and pain ripped through me that anyone could do that to her. "Were you wearing that before?" i asked. She stood up and turned to look at me her eyebrows raised, "you didn't notice what I was wearing?" "I was a bit preoccupied by you" I said running my hands gently up and down her arms "well i suppose i am pretty distracting" she murmured "that you are" I whispered into her ear before picking her up by her waist and holding her up slightly above me, her hands wrapped around my neck as i did so and she looked down into my eyes. Her eyes were captivating, i lowered her onto the bed and crawled up over her and kissed her passionately once more I ran my hands down her sides, she arched in response to my touch, this woman was a godsend to me, I had other chances with others when on missions but none held a candle to the woman beneath me now. She flipped us over and literally ripped my shirt off, "are you sure about this?" I questioned her, she smiled down at me from where she was straddling my waist "with you I'm always sure" she lent down to kiss me once more whilst her hands roamed downwards playing with the opening of my jeans. I gasped as her fingers came into contact gently with my hardness through my jeans, she pulled away and began kissing down my neck neck leaving my skin burning in every place she came into contact with. It didn't take either of us long to undress one another. Her body against mine felt so completely right "I love you" i murmured she pulled back from me slowly looking into my eyes, her eyes were hooded and her lips swollen "I love you too." That night the two of us truly became one with thee other.

I snapped back to now my heart pounding, I loved her, i had loved her, i still loved her, I knew that, but was I ready to admit it, as much as I hated to admit it I needed some advice and I clambered to my feet vowing to speak to Steve as soon as humanly possible unable to put it off any longer, but first I had to go and help with the fight between Iron man and a god.


End file.
